The Discount of Monte Cristo/Transcript
(the episode begins on the farm at night with Wade Duck and Roy Rooster approaching Orson Pig with a book in his hand) Roy: 'Hi, Orse. What's the story tonight? '''Orson: '''Well, tonight, I'm gonna take you into the epic tale of ''The Count of Monte Cristo ''by Alexandre Dumas. '''Roy: '''Oh, boy! Dueling and armies and swords! You bet! ''(Roy pokes Wade in the chest, pretending to have a sword) 'Orson: '''Just use your imaginations. ''(Roy and Wade sit on a log) '' '''Orson: '''The year is 1815. The scene is the city of Marseilles in France. ''(the scene begins to change to Marseilles, France) 'Orson: '''Everyone imagine a lush city with big castles and buildings and-- ''(Aloysius Pig appears and breaks the fantasy) '''Aloysius: '''Stop that fantasy sequence! That's not right! '''Orson: ''(shocked) Aloysius! '''Aloysius: '''I've been hired to keep you on budget. ''The Count of Monte Cristo ''is a very expensive story. It has big sets! And a huge cast! '''Orson: '''But, no, no, no! We're imagining all of it! This is all just pretend! '''Aloysius: '''Yes, but somebody has to animate it. This show employs a whole staff of artists to draw us all. ''(Aloysius holds up a picture of artists) Roy: 'They do? '''Wade: '''You mean, people get paid for this? '''Aloysius: '''Yes. In fact, some of them, make almost $100 a week. ''(points to his notepad to a shocked Roy and Wade) '''Roy: '''A hundred bucks? '''Wade: ''(simultaneously) Boy, did you hear that? '''Aloysius: '''Add in the cost of cells and pencils and all those doughnuts and... '''Orson: '''Oh, all right, already! We'll try to keep things simple! '''Aloysius: '''You'd better! ''(Aloysius walks off) Roy: 'Maybe you'd better ppick a cheaper story, Orse. '''Wade: '''Yeah, something without soldiers with pointy swords? '''Orson: '''No! We're doing ''The Count of Monte Cristo. ''Now, start imagining, both of you. ''(reads) ''"Edmund Dantés was but 19 years of age and ardently in love." ''(fantasy changes to Marseilles, France again) 'Wade: '''Here we go. ''(Orson is dressed as Edmund, who is smartly dressed) '''Orson: ''(reading) "His conscience was clear. He had violated no law. Alas though, he had made himself two enemies." ''(We see Wade dressed up as Danglars, throwing arrows at a portrait of Edmund) Orson: ''(reading) "The one named Danglars envied Edmund's rapid promotion in business... ''(Roy is dressed as Fernand, trying to kiss Mercedes, who is a female pig, who hits him with her umbrella.) Orson: ''(reading) "...while Fernand was crazed with love for Mercedes, Edmund's beloved." ''(Aloysius walks across the fantasy with his notepad) Aloysius: 'Those costumes look very expensive to me. ''(two guards show up and carry "Edmund" off) '''Orson: ''(reading) "Together, they arranged for Edmund to be arrested on a false charge. ''(Aloysius appears with notepad) Aloysius: 'Two more actors, plus costume rentals. Do they have any lines? '''Orson: '''No. '''Aloysius: '''Good. Because if they speak, we have to pay them more. ''(Aloysius walks off) 'Orson: '''Okay. ''(to the guards) ''You guys, don't say anything. '''Guards 1 and 2: ' We won't. (Aloysius quickly appears again) '''Aloysius: '''Now we have to pay them! Throwing money around like that! That's not right! '''Orson: ''(sighs) Maybe if I read faster. ''(takes out his book again as the scene cuts to a large courtroom) Orson: ''(reading) "Danglars and Fernand used their influence to hurry Edmund's trial and sentence him through court." ''(Aloysius appears and walks through the courtroom) Aloysius: 'Building a set this size just for this one scene! You're wasting money! ''(the two guards throw "Edmund" onto a boat as it sails to a dungeon) '''Orson: ''(reading) He was thrown in irons and sentenced to life in the gloomy Chateau d'If, built on the barren rock off the coast of Marseilles. ''(Aloysius is in a raft with receipt machine) Aloysius: '''Another big set! Plus boat rental! Insurance for filming ocean scenes! Location permit! '''Orson: ''(groans and continues reading) "There, he was shown to the cell that would be his home without benefit of daylight for some 14 years. While the two engineers of his plight made speed to divide up the remnants of his life. ''(we see "Danglars" and "Fernand" toasting on escargot and crêpe suzettes) Wade: ''(as Danglars) I shall take over his businesses. '''Roy: '(as Fernand) ''While I shall steal the heart of his beloved. Might I trouble you for more escargot, toot sweet? ''(Aloysius appears from under the table) Aloysius: 'Another set. Plus dialect coaching. And who catered the crêpe suzettes? And the escargot? And how much were they? Couldn't you just send out for a pizza? Spending money for snails! That's not right! ''(Cut to "Edmund" pacing around in his cell) '''Orson: ''(reading) "Edmund soon lost all track of time. But one thing he had not lost was his undying determination that this ordeal would not crush his spirit." ''(breathes deeply, but there is no sound) ''Where's the music? I was gonna sing my big solo! What happened to the orchestra? ''(the fantasy dissolves for a moment as Aloysius appears) Aloysius: '''I fired them. '''Orson: ''(groans)'' Aloysius: 'Do you know how much an orchestra costs these days? '''Orson: '''But that song is important! '''Aloysius: '''Tubas, strings, woodwinds! Hiring an orchestra, why? The oboe alone gets six dollars an hour. ''(oboe sound is heard as Orson tries to find a good page) 'Orson: '''All right. Let's just pick it up on page 374 where one of the maids tries to help him escape. ''(Aloysius appears) '''Aloysius: '''I fired the actress playing the maid. She wanted overscale. '''Orson: '''What? ''(Orson skims again) ''All right. How about on page 418 where the prison doctor comes in--''(see Aloysius and is annoyed) ''I know, I know, I know. You fired the actor playing the doctor. ''(pushes Aloysius away) ''Look, just leave me alone. I'll get through this. ''(reads) ''"Confined in the dark and slimy dungeon, seeing only his jailer all those years." '''Aloysius: '''I fired the jailer! '''Orson: ''(reads, annoyed) "Seeing NO ONE all those years, he dreamed only of escape, of seeing his beloved again. And of revenge against those who had imprisoned him. When no one was looking, he worked with a spoon stolen off his dinner tray, digging a tunnel out of his nightmarish confines. Alas, he reached no farther than the cell next to his own." ''(Orson sees the same cell) ''Wait a minute! This looks like my cell! '''Aloysius: '''We're using the same background. It saves money. '''Orson: '(reading) "''Then came the day when the prisoner in the cell next to his passed away. At last, his tunnel that reached that cell might prove handy." ''(jumps into the tunnel to see the same scene) ''This still looks like the other-- '''Aloysius: '''It's still the same background. ''(the background is now black and white) Orson: ''(reading) "He cloaked himself in blankets, hoping that he would be mistaken for the deceased prisoner." ''(the cell door opens, and Roy and Wade appear as the undertakers to take Orson outside) Orson: ''(reading) "Sure enough, that's what they did, carrying him out as if a body." ''(to Roy and Wade) ''Why are you guys playing the undertakers? '''Wade: '''Aloysius said we had to double. '''Roy: '''He didn't want to pay any more actors. '''Orson: '(annoyed) ''Okay. Why isn't there any color in the backgrounds? '''Aloysius: '''I fired the painters. They were too expensive. '''Orson: '(sighs; reads) ''"Once outside, he burst from the wrappings and fled, only to find that 100 of the King's finest soldiers were hot on his trail." ''(sees nobody and points to it in his book.) ''It says right here: "100 of the King's finest soldiers." ''(Aloysius appears) '' '''Aloysius: '''If you think we're paying for 100 soldiers and horse renters and trainers-- ''(Orson angrily throws the book down, dissolving the fantasy) Orson: ''That's it! I've had enough! You have ruined the entire story!'' Aloysius: 'You mean you're stopping it? '''Orson: '''Right now! '''Aloysius: '''Good. ''(takes the prisoner uniform off of Orson) ''If I can get this costume back by five, we save a half-day's rental. ''(Aloysius walks off) '''Wade: '''Is that the end? '''Roy: '''Not much of a story, if you ask me. '''Orson: '''Oh, come on. ''The Count of Monte Cristo ''is a great story. '''Roy: '''Orse, before you do another story, we gotta get rid of Mr. Cost-Cutter. '''Orson: ''(monotone) You have a sneaky trick. '''Roy: '''What else am I good for in this show? ''(chuckles) ''Now listen. ''(Roy whispers inaudibly into Orson's ear and snickers) Orson: ''(snickers)'' (Wade smiles wickedly, too) (cut to Aloysius in his accounting office) Aloysius: 'Spending all that money on a story like this! That's not right! ''(Orson appears) '' '''Orson: '''Uh, Aloysius? Excuse me. I picked out another story we could do. '''Aloysius: '''Is it cheap? '''Orson: '''Oh, very. There's only one role, and you get to play it. ''(Roy and Wade see what's happening and snicker quietly out of sight) 'Aloysius: '''Good. I won't pay myself much. ''(Orson picks up another book and reads it) 'Orson: '''Great. ''(reads) ''"It was days after the shipwreck that Robinson Crusoe found himself on the beach of a desert island. ''(the scene changes to a desert island) '''Aloysius: '''Desert island? Perfect! Very cheap set. '''Orson: ''(reading) He was all alone. No one else inhabited this island. '''Aloysius: '''Good! Good, good, good, good, good! No other actors! Good choice! Of course, you'll need someone to play my faithful companion, Friday. '''Wade: '''We cut him out! '''Aloysius: '(surprised) ''Oh! And then, later, a ship comes to rescue me. '''Roy: '''Ship? Ha! Too expensive! ''(we see multiple camera shots, one after the other, taking shots further away from the island as Aloysius yells for help without Orson, Roy, and Wade with him) 'Aloysius: '''Well, then, how are you going to get me off this island? Guys? Guys? ''(sees he is stranded) ''Hey! Leaving me stranded on a desert island! That's not right! We can afford one ship! How about a rowboat? How about two cub scouts on a raft? What about a dolphin? How about Flipper? Come on! Help me! ''(episode ends) Category:Transcript Category:Garfield and Friends Category:Garfield and Friends episodes, Season 7